My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
