I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
