she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
