If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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