I'm gonna have a badass scar
My room smells like vodka and shame
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
