Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
