that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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