Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
