When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I wish you could order shots online.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
