i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
