I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
