I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
