I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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