it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i need some magic done to my vagina
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
