yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
