I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
