i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
