she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
