Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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