Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
