It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
