JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How does one acquire holy water?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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