Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
