Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
