I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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