look no pants
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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