I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
