shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
