but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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