Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
