she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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