I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
