I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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