Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
