I must be too annoying 4 u.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
