$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
