I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
