Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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