evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
