Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
