literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
