remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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