My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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