Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
