dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
