i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
