Betty ford says i'm here all night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
