idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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