Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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