i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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