i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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