Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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