i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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