god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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