final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
