I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
