That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
