Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize