so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I enjoy the company of your penis
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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