btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
