so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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