hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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