your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize