Tell her she can't have a vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
