look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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