youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
